With universal appeal (everyone poops, after all), this witty, illustrated description of over two dozen dookies (each with a medical explanation written by a doctor) details what one can learn about health and well-being by studying what's in the bowl. A floater? It's probably due to a buildup of gas. Now think back on last night's dinner, a burrito perhaps? . . .All the greatest hits are here: The Log Jam, The Glass Shard, The Deja Poo, The Hanging Chad . . . the list goes on. Sidebars, trivia, over 60 euphemisms for number 2, and unusual case histories all make this the ultimate bathroom reader. Who knew you could learn so much from your poo?
52 Mind-Blowing Ways to Poop The only known translation of an ancient manual instructing readers in the art of enlightened bathroom experience, the Kama Pootra offers a thrilling rediscovery of the tiled path to porcelain nirvana. Willing seekers will find fifty-two progressive positions designed to maximize how you do number two. Every time the bathroom door closes, a new experience awaits.
This book is about shit. Not the shit you have in your closet or those lying around the house or the shit in your car, but it is about shit. The stuff that comes out of your body when you have to go to the bathroom. Not the stuff that comes out the front side but the stuff that comes out of your butt. It doesn’t matter how poor you are, how rich you are, how ugly you are, or how beautiful you are. It doesn’t matter if you are skinny or overweight. And no matter what you may think, your shit does stink sometimes. This book is for all of you who have ever admired your dirty deed. For those of you whose brother made you run to the bathroom because you thought someone had died only to see the longest turd ever in the stool.
This light-hearted but highly informative photographic journey reveals the idiosyncrasy and inventiveness that characterise the construction of the humble toilet around the globe. Along the way, the reader discovers the minute but fascinating cultural and historical differences that can make our travels to other countries so enjoyable.
What sound instantly causes a serious case of the giggles in any human within ear shot? A fart—don't deny it. The one and only Fart Dictionary is a witty collection of fart definitions for every occasion, covering a wide range of topics. Whether it's politics, Brad and Angelina, hunting, poetry, karaoke, Mardi Gras, Food Network, Jane Austen, love, war, ghosts, family, sports, fashion, Shakespeare, or vegetarians, there's a fart in this book for everyone! Fully illustrated with whimsical artwork and all wrapped up in a classy little package, Fart Dictionary is certain to be a hit with anyone who has ever laughed at the sound of breaking wind.
Finally, what every bathroom has been waiting for--a journal for recording and studying the wondrous uniqueness of each bowel movement. "Poo Log" features handy reference charts, extensive checklists, and screamingly funny illustrations throughout.
"I am speechless. The Dirtiest Toilet Humor Book Ever is the most disgusting, crude book I have ever read. I am ashamed to say my son wrote this. Where did I go wrong?" -Mother of Author Michael Ryan, too embarrassed to give her name "I succeeded! It is clear that my superb parenting skills paid off. The Author, Michael Ryan, tells the A to Zs of shit taking. He demonstrates his expertise on the always funny material of the infamous #2." -Proud Father of Author Michael Ryan, who's wife wouldn't let him give his first name The Dirtiest Toilet Humor Book Ever was written for anyone who wants to laugh out loud about the topic of taking a crap. Author Michael Ryan displays his expertise on the often unspoken everyday experience of going to the bathroom. He dissects every imaginable issue from the toilet paper texture to the writings on the bathroom stall doors. A few of the many other topics covered are: types of doody, locations, bathroom spray, courtesy flush, the bidet, what to do while going to the bathroom, types of farts, clogging the bowl, activities, wiping (sitting vs. standing), diarrhea, hemorrhoids, girls, masturbation, constipation and public toilets in various countries.
Is “The Origin of Feces” a Darwinian concern? Perhaps not, but it is the title to the preface of this tongue-in-cheek and unexpectedly revealing exploration of human behavior by the webmaster behind the popular PoopReport.com. This book is not a history of poop, but a study of today. Its goal is to understand how poop affects us, how we view it, and why; to appreciate its impact from the moment it slides out of our anal sphincters to the moment it enters the sewage treatment plant; to explore how we’ve arrived at this strange discomfort and confusion about a natural product of our bodies; to see how this contradiction—the natural as unnatural—shapes our minds, relationships, environment, culture, economics, media, and art. Paul Provenza, the director of The Aristocrats, says in his foreword: “It’s shocking to think that a book about poop can be considered an act of courage. But it is. Most of us have knee-jerk responses to the topic that we are not even aware of. Attitudes that, like the awful stench of poop itself, permeate all of society and culture. This book has some very profound and beautiful things to say. It takes a dirty, smelly, unpleasant subject like shit and brings forth ideas that are empowering, dignifying and life affirming.”
What goes in must come out. It's that simple. But what does it all mean? Therein lies the mysteryand the key to your health and happiness. In this entertaining and fact-filled guide, the authors of the best-selling What's Your Poo Telling You? expand their probing inquiry into the workings of the human body to reveal the secrets and splendors of farts and pee, as well as more about their inevitable companion, poo. In the shocking and informative final section, the authors explode a variety of popular myths about the gastrointestinal tract. After reading this book, you'll never think of your bodily functions in the same way again!
His Natural Life has retained Australian classic status for over one hundred years. Scarcely ever out of print since first written during the early 1870s, it has provided successive generations with a vivid account of a brutal phase of colonial life. The main focus of this great convict novel is the complex interaction between those in power and those who suffer, made meaningful because of its hero's struggle against the destructiveness of his wrongful imprisonment. While much of the story is necessarily grim, Marcus Clarke has used elements of romance, incidents of family life and passages of scenic description to both relieve and give emphasis to the tragedy that forms its heart.
People poop in their pants. It happens. No biggie, right? Wrong! Some bathroom accidents occur at the worst possible moments - on a first date, at the start of a new job, while stuck in traffic - and their stories ascend to the level of Toilet Tales. This book collects 28 of the funniest, most humiliating true accounts that anyone was ever brave enough to confess. Toilet Tales makes a hilarious conversation-starter and a perfect bathroom read.
Every toilet should have a copy of this book next to it. FRANK AECES, WHAT TOILET? MAGAZINE Perching on the porcelain can be very boring when you have nothing to do but poo. But fear not, this colouring compendium to make use of those dull moments and truly maximise your creativity on the khazi. So grab your crayons and colour away - toilet time need no longer be a chore!
Where do they get the money? Coming up redheaded curates from the county Leitrim, rinsing empties and old man in the cellar. Then, lo and behold, they blossom out as Adam Findlaters or Dan Tallons. Then thin of the competition. General thirst. Good puzzle would be cross Dublin without passing a pub. Save it they can't. Off the drunks perhaps. Put down three and carry five. What is that, a bob here and there, dribs and drabs. On the wholesale orders perhaps. Doing a double shuffle with the town travellers. Square it you with the boss and we'll split the job, see? How much would that tot to off the porter in the month? Say ten barrels of stuff. Say he got ten per cent off. O more. Fifteen. He passed Saint Joseph's National school. Brats' clamour. Windows open. Fresh air helps memory. Or a lilt. Ahbeesee defeegee kelomen opeecue rustyouvee doubleyou. Boys are they? Yes. Inishturk. Inishark. Inishboffin. At their joggerfry. Mine. Slieve Bloom. He halted before Dlugacz's window, staring at the hanks of sausages, polonies, black and white. Fifteen multiplied by. The figures whitened in his mind, unsolved: displeased, he let them fade. The shiny links, packed with forcemeat, fed his gaze and he breathed in tranquilly the lukewarm breath of cooked spicy pigs' blood. A kidney oozed bloodgouts on the willowpatterned dish: the last. He stood by the nextdoor girl at the counter. Would she buy it too, calling the items from a slip in her hand? Chapped: washingsoda. And a pound and a half of Denny's sausages. His eyes rested on her vigorous hips. Woods his name is. Wonder what he does. Wife is oldish. New blood. No followers allowed. Strong pair of arms. Whacking a carpet on the clothesline. She does whack it, by George. The way her crooked skirt swings at each whack. The ferreteyed porkbutcher folded the sausages he had snipped off with blotchy fingers, sausagepink. Sound meat there: like a stallfed heifer. He took a page up from the pile of cut sheets: the model farm at Kinnereth on the lakeshore of Tiberias. Can become ideal winter sanatorium. Moses Montefiore. I thought he was. Farmhouse, wall round it, blurred cattle cropping. He held the page from him: interesting: read it nearer, the title, the blurred cropping cattle, the page rustling. A young white heifer. Those mornings in the cattlemarket, the beasts lowing in their pens, branded sheep, flop and fall of dung, the breeders in hobnailed boots trudging through the litter, slapping a palm on a ripemeated hindquarter, there's a prime one, unpeeled switches in their hands. He held the page aslant patiently, bending his senses and his will, his soft subject gaze at rest. The crooked skirt swinging, whack by whack by whack. The porkbutcher snapped two sheets from the pile, wrapped up her prime sausages and made a red grimace.